๐ฌ๐ง What's your love language.. wait.. what's a love language?
How we express our love
Some housekeeping first:
If you want the Italian posts, you can find them all here: SEZIONE ITALIANA๐ฎ๐น. If you prefer reading in English, then please keep going with this post.
Good afternoon, my lovely readers!
As we touch on different topics related to personal development, this week I want to talk about a concept that can transform not just romantic relationships but also the way we connect with friends and family: the five love languages. Fresh from a wonderful holiday in Sweden with my mum, I've been reminded of the importance of understanding our distinct ways of giving and receiving love and how our diverse relationships work.
If you just landed hereโฆ welcome! Iโm Annalisa, I am a writer and an unconventional mindset trainer. I write all about personal development here at A Glimpse of Life, usually while sitting at my fave desk. All I want is to live a happy, meaningful and simple life, my goal here is to build a community of like-minded people who want more from life, as I do too! This is a safe place to share and feel part of a big family โจ
Click here for more ๐๐ป Annalisa Caminarecci
If you would like to receive these newsletters directly to your inbox and support me and my work, consider subscribing <3
Originally introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman1, these love languages provide a framework to express and receive love more effectively, regardless of gender and sexual orientation. Whether itโs through Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, or Physical Touch, each language offers unique insights into our emotional needs and preferences. I really liked reading his book! Although we speak a bit of all five of these languages, there is a primary one which we use to communicate most of the time. If we know our primary love language and the one of our loved ones, we can then deepen our connection and strengthen our bonds, improving also communication. All this, while feeling more loved. Itโs amazing!
Exploring each Love Language
Words of Affirmation: This language involves expressions of affection and appreciation through words. While this is not my primary love language, affirming words play a significant role in how I perceive and receive love. I use them to express my love for others and love for myself (e.g. How I say โI love youโ and compliment my hair every day in the mirror).
Acts of Service: Observing the interactions with my mum, I think that she expresses her love predominantly through Acts of Service. This language involves performing tasks that make life easier for the other person. She always cooks for me when I am over at her house, sets the table, cleans up, etc., always with a big smile on her face. She likes to go grocery shopping for me and get all the little things I might need.
Receiving Gifts: For some, receiving thoughtful presents fills them with love. Itโs less about the monetary value and more about the symbolism behind the gesture.
Quality Time: This language is about giving undivided attention to one another, and sharing time and experiences together. For me, itโs an important way of deepening bonds.
Physical Touch: As my foremost love language, physical expressions of love, like a long hug, provide immense comfort and reassurance, it fills me with joy and makes my heart vibrant. To me, this outweighs other gestures in their ability to fill my love tank. Quite luckily for me, my partnerโs primary love language is physical touch too, and to him, kisses and skin contact are the most beautiful things he can receive.
Your Love Tank Explained
Dr. Gary Chapman introduces the concept of the โlove tankโ in his discussions about love languages. Just as a car needs a full tank of gas to run, we need our emotional tank filled to maintain a healthy relationship. Itโs our emotional storage for the love we receive. When our love tank is full, we feel secure and connected. Each love language fills this tank in different ways, depending on our personal and emotional preferences. Knowing and using the primary love language of yourself and your loved ones helps keep this tank topped up, ensuring that everyone feels loved and appreciated ๐ฅฐ.
This is a free publication. If you would like to support my work allowing me to deepen my knowledge and be able to spend even more time creating valuable content for you, you can gift me an e-book ๐ , by clicking here.
Practical Applications
Understanding love languages can lead to deeper and more fulfilling relationships. Hereโs how we can apply this knowledge practically:
โข Identify Your Primary Love Language: You can discover your primary love language by taking the official quiz here2, whether you are not an adult yet, single or in a romantic relationship. This is invaluable for enhancing personal relationships and self-understanding. If you prefer a less technological approach, you can just take 10 minutes, sit comfortably, close your eyes and reflect on what would fill your love tank during times of sadness, discomfort, or when your tank is empty. Is it a kind word, a thoughtful gift, dedicated time, an act of service, or a comforting touch? They are all simple gestures that remind us we are loved. If thinking inward might seem hard, think of what you usually do to show love to your loved ones. Do you buy them gifts or take out the rubbish for them? Do you tell them you love them or invite them over for a Netflix night? We show love to others using our love language.
โข Recognise the Love Languages of Others: With practice, you will recognise what your loved ones usually do for you. And of course, you can have a conversation about it, where you ask them what makes them feel loved. For instance, my partner and I share Physical Touch as the primary language, which simplifies how we express our affection. However, itโs also crucial to appreciate the secondary languages, like Words of Affirmation, which play supportive roles for both of us in our relationship. The author wrote more books specifically for teenagers and childrenโs love languages, to help parents understand their world better. So beautiful!
โข Appreciate the Linguistic Nuances Within Each Language: Even within the same language, preferences can vary. Some might prefer cuddling under a blanket, while others might appreciate a kiss. These nuances are vital to be discussed too, in order to truly meet each otherโs emotional needs.
โข Ask: In moments of sadness or emotional emptiness, knowing what can refill your love tank is crucial, and so is asking for it. Knowing what you need and asking for it is key to honour yourself and to make sure your needs are met. Although your loved ones love you, they are not inside your head, so it is normal if they do not always catch your empty tank signals.
![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F911f24be-849e-4fda-ad49-e5a8725e55b8_1170x1533.jpeg)
Understanding your love language, and those of the people close to you, is a practical tool for nurturing and deepening relationships. It seems a simple thing, but if you think about it, itโs actually a game changer. How many times do we hear ourselves or our friends say things like: โI do this and that for him/her, but they never seem to appreciate me or what I do! It would be so simple to just [their need expressed]โ? This is a clear example of speaking different languages and not knowing about it. You might speak the language of Words of Affirmation and tell your partner all the things you appreciate about them, but they might not do the same to you and that can feel so frustrating! And for them, they might feel frustrated because they hug you and kiss you every day but they do not get the same in return. These little actions are the result of miscommunication due to speaking different languages.
For instance, by knowing that Words of Affirmation rank high for you and Physical Touch ranks high for your partner, you can both redirect your energy to learning each otherโs language, because you love each other and want to see both happy! So if you give your partner hugs and kisses, they will feel loved and in return will tell you how much they love you even more, and this will make you feel more loved, and in return, you too will want to do even more to show love to your partner. Itโs a very good virtuous cycle! Your relationship will take a tremendously positive course.
Itโs also important to remember that our needs might change over time. As we evolve, our emotional needs can shift. What resonated with us a year ago might not hold the same significance today. Therefore, I believe a regular check-in can help you stay aligned with your current emotional preferences and ensure that you and your loved ones are speaking the most effective and loving language to each other.
In the spirit of love and understanding, I encourage you to not only identify your own love languages but also take the time to discuss and explore them with your loved ones. How do they prefer to receive love? And how does knowing this enhance your relationship? Did they feel their love tank was empty or full?
Whether you are taking the quiz or reflecting on your love languages by yourself, feel free to share your results here. I also recommend you to read the book, if you can. Share your experiences with love languages in the comments below. Let's nurture this community where we uplift and inspire one another ๐คฒ๐ปโบ๏ธ
If you know someone who would need to read this, you can click the โShareโ button below. Also, feel free to hit the white heart button ๐ค at the beginning of the post, that will show me your support and gratitude, I would dearly appreciate it ๐ซถ๐ผ
I hope with all my heart that we will meet face-to-face someday. Until then, if nobody has told you yet today: you are an amazing person and deserve everything this world has to offer ๐ค
Annalisa x
This newsletter is part of the 24Essay Club of Sparkle on Substack by the lovely Claire Venus.
As always, click the subscribe button below if you want to support my work and stay updated with the newsletters delivered directly to your inbox. Itโs completely free ๐ซ
More from A Glimpse of Life
My most read piece so far:
The first newsletter of the new monthly series - Reminiscences of an Adolescent, where I will revisit my teenage and early adult years and share thoughts I put in my diary back then, commenting on them with a more mature perspective.
GRATITUDE PRACTICE: If you are curious and want to join our daily gratitude practice, start by reading this note, and then you can follow me to see the daily notes. I will wait for you on the other side! x
30 GRATITUDE PRACTICES FOR 30 DAYS: if you already practise gratitude but want to take it to the next level, I prepared a personal 30-day gratitude guide for you which you can purchase here at a very small launch price, or receive it in pdf for free as part of the โrefer a friendโ program. You can read more here or click on the button below.
Relationship consultant and radio speaker with over thirty years of experience, made famous by his book The 5 Love Languages.
Additionally, the site offers other insightful quizzes, such as discovering your โApology Languageโ, which complements understanding how you and your loved ones interact.
Love this itโs so helpful to understand what works for us and those close around us. My love languages are acts of service and words of appreciation (what I want to receive) and I LOVE giving gifts (when thereโs no expectation). My bf also has acts of service as his love language ๐ so we always need to remind ourselves that we both need to give and then we can also receive the same