🇬🇧MONTHLY SERIES: 📝Reminiscences of an Adolescent #2
What secrets can a swimming pool wash away?
Some housekeeping first:
If you want the Italian posts, you can find them all here: SEZIONE ITALIANA🇮🇹. If you prefer reading in English, then please keep going with this post.
Good afternoon, my lovely readers!
For today’s second edition of our monthly series “Reminiscence of an Adolescent,” I wanted to dive deep into a more challenging period from my adolescence, my last years at the swimming pool. I looked back at my diaries, and found some interesting, though very sad, material that I am willing to share with you all today, hoping you will find it inspiring 🥰
If you just landed here… welcome! I’m Annalisa, I am a writer and an unconventional mindset trainer. I write all about personal development here at A Glimpse of Life, usually while sitting at my fave desk. All I want is to live a happy, meaningful and simple life, my goal here is to build a community of like-minded people who want more from life, as I do too! This is a safe place to share and feel part of a big family ✨
Click here for more 👉🏻 Annalisa Caminarecci
If you would like to receive these newsletters directly to your inbox and support me and my work, consider subscribing <3
![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd4673dd1-7592-4c49-a364-77c9982f8249_960x1280.jpeg)
![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_720,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff099ac3c-5551-4583-bab7-8f08f0603ccd_960x1280.jpeg)
A SPORT FOR MY PHYSICAL HEALTH, BUT WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE?
Swimming was just a sport for me; a daily ritual that lasted for 10 years (from 6 to 16 years old). For the last 3 years, training was every day from 7 pm to 9 pm. I used to swim competitively. I’d usually have 2/3 hours for homework, and then it was time to leave. We also had one-hour gym sessions (running, weight lifting, etc) twice a week, before swimming. On those days, I would leave just after 4 pm and come back home just before 10 pm. The weekends were not much different, with early afternoon training sessions (between 3 pm and 4:30 pm) on Saturdays, while Sundays were reserved for competitions. This cycle was both physically and mentally exhausting. And it was not an environment where I had a flourished social life, either.
In middle school, I did not care too much about going out. I was swimming every day, and I had also started running short-distance races and cross-country running. Thanks to swimming, I was good at running, had good stamina and resilient lungs. I was doing very well, winning also regional school events. I was also qualified for the national cross-country races, for one year (and I placed 7th! or 11th? Can’t remember). It felt great because I won a lot! I wasn’t used to it because although doing my best, I could not manage to excel at swimming, I was performing worse than average. Then I started training for running too, two or three times a week. But I soon realised it was too much and I had to stop. I was also learning piano (which I stopped too), and was studying for the various competitions of the Math Olympiad. Once the math competitions were over, I just kept swimming. My mum was highlighting how good it was for my overall health, so I just agreed and that was it.
When I started high school, the amount of homework I had to do was a million times greater than in middle school (great 😑). So my training schedule meant that every free time I had, I had to fill it with homework. My high school was not easy! At first, I did not feel the need to go out like a usual teenager would want, but during the last couple of years of training (between the age of 15-16) I really liked to see some schoolmates after school, just to walk around town, from time to time. But the truth is that I did not have time to do anything else. It was only swimming, swimming, homework, competition, swimming, homework, etc. and I did not even enjoy it anymore!
THE BLOODY BULLYING
Due to the fact that I was not a particularly fast swimmer, or maybe because every year the newest additions to the group were overtaking me although younger, or maybe it was because my demanding high school prevented me from being socially involved with the swimming pool peers, or maybe it was just because those kids were bloody stupid teenagers, my life in there became as enjoyable as living in hell. As you can see from the pages below, I literally started to call the swimming pool ‘hell’. Long gone were those days when I enjoyed being called ‘my little fish’ by my close family, or saying that water was my element (although I loved being underwater).
![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffb3285ef-ccbd-4993-9462-64dc4b695119.heic)
![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc3a03e00-0fc9-4f5a-ad8b-118ca699d308.heic)
So yes, basically the pool became a place where I faced repeated bullying. Being excluded and tormented by peers added an UNNECESSARY layer of emotional turmoil to an already demanding schedule. It wasn’t just the physical exhaustion now that was weighing me down, but also the feelings of isolation/derision in what was supposed to be a team environment.
There were ‘only’ 2-3 people who used to mock me and give me a hard time (especially one boy, whose face and full name are imprinted in my memory, that fuc***g jerk!). The rest of my age group was just ignoring me, or giving me occasional disdainful glances, girls and boys alike.
I managed to find some pages where I was describing what this guy used to say/do to me (see images below). I was shocked when I read it, I had totally suppressed that memory.
![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff3cdc4db-00d2-4f2d-8438-ea18a1390829.heic)
Dealing with such negativity has been incredibly challenging.
COMMUNICATING THE STRUGGLES AND DEFENSIVE MECHANISMS
One of the hardest parts was communicating the distress I experienced. At the time, the concept of bullying was not as widely discussed as it is now. I struggled to communicate the impact it had on me, emotionally. I just felt uncomfortable. This way, my attempts to explain it to my parents were often overshadowed by the belief that swimming was inherently good for my health, which was true, to one extent. Physical health was ok, but mental health wasn’t! I probably did not give it too much weight either, as I never insisted on this. I was just receiving all these bad things, and swallowing them.
I also tried, from time to time, to tell the coach about it, although unsuccessfully. It all looked innocent and playful from the outside point of view of adults. From the inside, it was not like this. It was neverending agony. One day I really snapped and that backfired, as I ended up swearing (not my usual vocabulary) (see photo).
![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F520a8da1-2253-4583-bbcc-54a0bf5a7210.heic)
There is something I remember quite clearly, I must have been 14. I remember it was a xmas event, held in the gym. I was wearing a short bright pink wool skirt and black tights. I remember thinking that it was nice to be ‘dressed up’ for once! I remember that the mocking arrived anyway, from the same couple of stupid boys there. That night is when I started playing with my hair as a way to release tension (read this if you want to know the story of my hair struggle). Honestly, I felt so powerless. That was an immediate stress relief, not a proactive defensive mechanism though. Something that accompanied me for many years, too many.
To top it off, my best friend recently reminded me of an 'incident' I apparently told her about when we were 15 (this too I had completely removed from my memory). Given that I was not (and still am not) a vindictive person, one evening after the training, I entered the changing room of this guy and dumped shampoo or whatever it was all over his head. It was an act of courage, considering how I was back then, and perhaps a way to release all the tension I had. Again, this was not a proper proactive defensive mechanism.
What really helped me there were my friends. My best friend from school very patiently used to listen to my struggles, and offered a shoulder to cry on, with that pinch of irony that characterised us (and still does!!). We used to write to each other a lot, our own little diaries, and we still are best of friends today! She knows me well, and she saw my evolution. Thank you, C for being there for me.. actually.. thanks for having been there for me for over 20 years now 😂🫶🏼
One of the younger girls I used to train with and I became friends. It was nice to have someone who knew what exactly was going on. She could see what the others used to put me through, she was very supportive and we used to spend time together (before the gym sessions, chatting after training, and we used to go to training and competitions together sometimes). She was a couple of years younger than me. I need to thank her deeply. It’s been so long since I saw her, I wonder if she remembers any of this. If you ever read this, Thanks A! It really meant the world. 🤍
This is a free publication. If you would like to support my work allowing me to deepen my knowledge and be able to spend even more time creating valuable content for you, you can gift me an e-book 📕 , by clicking here.
THE THIRD YEAR OF HIGH-SCHOOL SALVATION! The ‘2 pm days’.
Thank goodness for the decision to introduce (from the third-year onward) school days that lasted 6 hours, instead of just 5. We would finish school at 2 pm on some days, instead of 1 pm. That, and the beginning of the final three-year period, meant extra work, extra commitment, and extra study-time needed.
It was the turning point. I gathered the courage to voice my decision to stop training every day. It was a pivotal moment in reclaiming my life back. By then I was 16, and I knew, somehow, that my mental well-being was at stake. So I tried to talk again with my parents, and I insisted on what I knew were the important points for them: I told them I needed more time to study, which was true, and that I was done with that high-intensity training that did not leave me time for anything else. I told them again about the emotional struggle I used to face every day and begged them to understand I could not put up with it anymore. I cannot remember the details, I know it was a lot more dramatic than this though 😅. I remember I told them I would continue swimming, by myself, without a coach, to maintain the benefits of this good habit for my physical health. I am so glad I made that decision (see the image below).
![](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc5acf697-4151-4448-8f75-82c4ee2726c6.heic)
REFLECTING ON ALL THIS
I am telling my adolescent self that it’s ok. A message for her:
Annalisa, you did all you could, you hang in there! You made it, you are stronger, you know the value of kindness, and you know those kids did not know what else to do, were just bored or stupid or had just a twisted way of showing they liked you. Whatever the reason, it is not important to you. It was not about you. Remember sometimes they used to take it on another girl calling her sl*t and throwing a lid from behind her changing room1? Ignore them, they are not worthy of your time and energy. You are loved, you are worthy of love, you are amazing. Do always your best and follow your head and your heart. Nobody will make you feel low without your permission. You are strong! 💪🏻
Looking back, the experiences at the swimming pool taught me valuable lessons about resilience, the importance of listening to my emotional needs, and it highlighted the importance of environments that foster support and understanding.
This, as an adult, has empowered me to prioritise my mental health and gave me skills to recognise toxic environments quicker and steer away from them (almost always!). I know how important is to speak up if we are having this kind of issue; nobody, and I repeat NOBODY, has the right to treat us like that. It’s an invaluable lesson, this one.
Overcoming the challenges of my past has equipped me with the strength and wisdom to face whatever comes next.
I hope this story encourages you to reflect on your own journeys and the obstacles you’ve overcome. Remember, every challenge we face teaches us something vital about ourselves and our capacity to change our lives for the better.
I’d love to hear about your experiences with overcoming personal challenges. How have you transformed adversities into lessons of growth? How did they impact your life? Are you facing adversities right now?
Feel free to share your experiences in the comments below, and let's nurture this community where we uplift and inspire one another 🤲🏻☺️
If you found this article useful, if it inspired you to make some changes in your life, but you don’t feel like sharing your story, do not worry at all. I understand.
However, if you know someone who would enjoy reading this, you can click the ‘Share’ button below. Also, feel free to hit the white heart button 🤍 at the beginning of the post, that will show me your support and gratitude, I would dearly appreciate it 🫶🏼
I hope with all my heart that we will meet face-to-face someday. Until then, if nobody has told you yet today: you are an amazing person and deserve everything this world has to offer 🤍
Annalisa x
This newsletter is part of the 24Essay Club of Sparkle on Substack by the lovely Claire Venus.
As always, click the subscribe button below if you want to support my work and stay updated with the newsletters delivered directly to your inbox. It’s completely free 💫
More from A Glimpse of Life
My most read piece so far:
The first newsletter of the new monthly series - Reminiscences of an Adolescent, where I will revisit my teenage and early adult years and share thoughts I put in my diary back then, commenting on them with a more mature perspective.
GRATITUDE PRACTICE: If you are curious and want to join our daily gratitude practice, start by reading this note, and then you can follow me to see the daily notes. I will wait for you on the other side! x
30 GRATITUDE PRACTICES FOR 30 DAYS: if you already practise gratitude but want to take it to the next level, I prepared a personal 30-day gratitude guide for you which you can purchase here at a very small launch price, or receive it in PDF for free as part of the ‘refer a friend’ program. You can read more here or click on the button below.
In Tuscany, if you call someone ‘saucepan’, that means sl*t, and not really in a friendly way. So their ‘funny’ prank of throwing the lid of a saucepan in her changing room saying something like ‘hey saucepan, u are missing the lid!’ VERY Stupid.