🇬🇧Take Charge: Simple Steps for a More Positive You
Focus on the positive things and consciously act upon what cannot be controlled
Some housekeeping first:
You will not be able to see both the English and Italian versions here anymore, I have now separated the two languages to make it easier for you, my lovely readers, to find your favourite one on A glimpse of Life home page, and to better categorise them :) If you want the Italian posts, you can find them all here: SEZIONE ITALIANA🇮🇹. If you prefer reading in English, then please keep going with this post.
Good afternoon my lovely readers!
Today, we will explore the relationship between focusing on positive influences and the challenge of trying to control the uncontrollable in our daily lives. In our quest for feeling better, our emotional well-being can take a toll if we attempt to control every part of our lives while tackling complex challenges. I want to share valuable insights and provide effective strategies to cultivate a positive mindset and let go of the need for control, to improve our overall well-being.
If you just landed here… welcome! I’m Annalisa, I am a writer and an unconventional mindset trainer. I write all about personal development here at A Glimpse of Life, usually while sitting at my fave desk. All I want is to live a happy, meaningful and simple life, my goal here is to build a community of like-minded people who want more from life, as I do too! This is a safe place to share and feel part of a big family ✨
Click here for more 👉🏻 Annalisa Caminarecci
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Focus on the positives ➕
In a world bombarded with stimuli – from the endless news covering distressing topics like wars, inflation, societal issues, and other negative aspects of this world, to the pressure of marketing messages urging us to buy the latest gadgets and attend the trendiest events to acquire a ‘status’ – it’s easy for me to feel overwhelmed. It often seems like our lives are largely shaped by external forces, and we then lose sight of what truly matters, we fear the negative consequences of these events will reach us, and we try to control things in our lives in an attempt to feel better. It is ok to stay informed, but not overwhelmed: we have to choose when and how we consume news or social media to ensure it doesn’t dictate our mood or outlook.
Shifting my focus to positivity empowered me: it’s not about ignoring the negative aspects of life, it’s about choosing to focus on the good over the bad, in our daily lives.
Our brains are wired to respond to what we concentrate on. As science teaches us1, the brain cannot process all the environmental stimuli it receives daily. It uses the neural process of filtering called ‘Selective Attention’: the brain filters out all the information not in line with ‘what we tell it we believe’, and ‘what’s important to us’. If we believe that only bad things are happening to us, our brains will filter out all the positive ones, in a way that we see only the bad things around us, reinforcing our negative beliefs. This can include daily events that will worsen our moods (such as a traffic light taking too long to turn green, the long queue at the supermarket, etc) or more grave emotionally impactful events, like the end of a long-term relationship.
To change this, we need to consciously shift the focus on the positive things and let the brain know that positivity is what it’s important to us right now. Just as when we look at a particular car model we want and suddenly start seeing it everywhere, the same principle applies to the aspects of our daily lives. By choosing to notice and appreciate positive moments (small successes, acts of kindness, meaningful conversation while queuing at the till, the end of a toxic relationship, etc), we train our brains to recognise and prioritise these positive experiences more frequently over the bad ones. And with time, we will recognise even more of them. It happened exactly like this to me, and I never looked back. Simple practices like maintaining a gratitude journal or dedicating a few moments each day to reflect on what went well can significantly help keep a positive mindset, enhancing our moods, making us more resilient against stress and able to handle challenges with a more balanced perspective.
POSITIVITY TAKEAWAY 🥡: Cultivate positivity by prioritising the good in your daily life, everything will look brighter.
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Acting on What We Can Control 📋
When emotions run high, our ability to think clearly often diminishes. Our emotions can cloud our judgment, hence decisions driven by strong emotions are rarely advisable, as emotions lead us to react impulsively rather than act thoughtfully. This tendency to react quickly hinders our ability to manage our lives well, as we tend to get influenced by outside events and negative situations, those events where our worries have no influence at all (more on this topic in the next few weeks!)
Mel Robbins, in one of her podcast episodes about making a plan, offers a powerful insight, saying, “The difference between time moving forward without you and you moving forward with it is taking a minute right now to figure out what you want to make happen during that time.” Read from a different angle, this statement highlights the value of taking control over our actions and intentions. By actively deciding what we want to achieve or how we wish to respond to life events, we align our actions with our goals rather than being led by emotions.
This proactive approach is relevant to both major life events and daily interactions and small challenges, which are what we face most frequently in our lives. When we critically evaluate situations and choose our focus, we take control over our mental and emotional status.
So, when do we stress over things we cannot control? Here are some examples I personally used to struggle with:
When we encounter other people’s behaviours – like a friend’s unexpected reaction. Understanding that how people behave towards us is not a reflection of who we are but reflects their personality, emotions and how they react to events in their lives, can free us from unnecessary stress. It teaches us to respond based on our values and goals, not based on how their behaviour made us feel.
When life situations overwhelm us, and we tend to stress over them. Often, we agonise over outcomes that are beyond our control, like worrying about delays in car repairs, or a test result. Other times we anticipate stressful and catastrophic situations, like for example potential damages caused by contractors during some work at home, or to get a parking ticket for being 5 minutes late. The point is… whether we worry or not, the outcome will be the same. So why not choose to live peacefully? By deciding not to dwell on what might go wrong, I can now save myself soooooo much mental energy!! After all, more often than not, those feared disasters never actually happen, do they? 😅
When we desire certainty in outcomes. This need can paralyse decision-making, as the fear of uncertainty and making a bad choice makes it difficult to choose any path at all (we will come back to this important topic in one of the next newsletters, stay tuned if you are struggling with this, as I will share with you a very useful way to overcome this). It’s important here to understand that while we can steer our actions based on the information available at that moment, we cannot control every result, or every future consequence (e.g. what if I miss this other opportunity, what if I lose the game if I play this way, etc). Both living it and seeing a loved one dealing with it, this paralysis is so overwhelming.
TAKING CONTROL TAKEAWAY 🥡: Life isn’t just about what happens to us but about how we respond to it.
The Outcome of Mindful Action 💫
Taking control of our focus and our actions leads to a more empowered and proactive life. This shift doesn’t eliminate challenges (well I wish it could haha), but it does change how we experience them, and allow us to learn from them. By focusing on positive aspects of our lives, and acting on what we can control, we reduce the impact of negativity and unnecessary stress.
This approach reduces negativity and stress, leading to a more balanced and happier life. Challenges can be turned into chances for growth, making each day an opportunity to see the good in this world.
I’d be lying if I said that once discovered, I always used this approach. We are humans, and when a new challenge happens we can feel disorientated and stressed, and that’s what happens to me too sometimes. Although it can initially feel like we are back to square one, that is not true at all; all the work we do over time counts toward improving ourselves. It’s important to surround ourselves with people we love who have the same mindset, those who we will be there in the moment of need to help and support each other.
I know this week’s newsletter has been full of concepts, and if you never heard of them before, it can be too much to process 😵💫. There is so much to say on the topics explained here, that I could write a newsletter for each of them. If something in particular interests you, or you have some questions, please let me know in the comments and I will be happy to explain it further for you 💛
I’d love to hear what you mainly focus on during your days and the strategies you use to act on things within your control. Have you found certain approaches particularly effective? Do you struggle in some areas? What uncontrollable events do you find yourself stressing about?
Feel free to share your experiences in the comments below, and let's create a community where we uplift and inspire one another 🤲🏻☺️
If you found this article useful, if it made you re-think about some of your priorities in life, but you don’t feel like sharing your story, do not worry at all. I understand.
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I hope with all my heart that we will meet face-to-face someday. Until then, if nobody has told you yet today: you are an amazing person and deserve everything this world has to offer 🤍
Annalisa x
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GRATITUDE PRACTICE: If you are curious and want to join our daily gratitude practice, start by reading this note, and then you can follow me to see the daily notes. I will wait for you on the other side! x
30 GRATITUDE PRACTICES FOR 30 DAYS: if you already practise gratitude but want to take it to the next level, I prepared a personal 30-day gratitude guide for you which you can purchase here at a very small launch price, or receive it in pdf for free as part of the ‘refer a friend’ program. You can read more here or click on the button below.
To learn more about the neuroscience behind this, you can start by reading about Broadbent’s filter model of Selective Attention here, and also this research, and this page on Wikipedia
Thank you for sharing these insights. I especially love your point about the things we repeatedly focus on are what we are training our brains to notice. Such a great reminder.