🇬🇧MONTHLY SERIES 📝:Reminiscences of an Adolescent #4
How to deal with parental influence
Some housekeeping first:
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Good afternoon, my lovely readers!
Welcome to today’s fourth edition of our monthly series “Reminiscence of an Adolescent”! As promised, this month we will read a piece about parental influence and what my younger self thought about it that day.
If you just landed here… welcome! I’m Annalisa, I am a writer and an unconventional mindset trainer. I write all about personal development here at A Glimpse of Life, usually while sitting at my fave desk. All I want is to live a happy, meaningful and simple life, my goal here is to build a community of like-minded people who want more from life, as I do too! This is a safe place to share and feel part of a big family ✨
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Last month I managed to find an interesting monologue I had with myself about me making the decision that I did not want to feel influenced by my parents anymore. I was 19. It is like a power statement, I said NO MORE, that’s it, I am only doing things FOR MYSELF, not anyone else.
When I read that passage I felt pride. I was proud of my younger self for deciding to change the route, to stir up something that had never changed in my life up to that point. It felt nice to read that after experiencing this sense of ‘independence of being’ in my last year of high school, I was more than determined to continue on that path, and I was ready to fight off my parents’ influence by remaining strong in my decision. Amazing. Amazing is also the fact that it seems like I could identify those instances where they were “influencing“ their way into my decisions and behaviours. That was the first step, but we all know between knowing and doing, there is a lot of work in the middle.
I, indeed, have to admit this is something I struggled to deal with in numerous situations. With time I became my own influencer, but I was embodying my parents as the mind masters (when in reality I was the one blocking myself from being myself… 🤔). Once I realised this, things got smoother, a sense of freedom pervaded me, and I am very happy about this. I learned a lot, and I feel it’s still a work in progress today. And it’s ok.
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Going back to the passage, we can safely say that in all honesty my dad only wanted to warn me that there was a lot to study at uni (I did choose physics), but I do remember that tone he sometimes used, a tone that according to my adolescent self hid something else. I would read something extra in his words, like he did not trust I would commit to my studies or that he would force me to stay at home and not have a life. Maybe it was all inside my head? That I cannot answer, and I cannot ask him either anymore, unfortunately.
But I have to thank my parents because thanks to their teaching, I developed this strong sense of myself.. I mean… I should say stubbornness really…but I won’t do it 😂 or I just did? ooooops
There is another point I want to focus on, when I said «I always want the best for myself and more from myself and face my mistakes head-on, to be proud of myself.» While this is, again, a statement of independence, I have to disagree with the ‘always wanting more from myself to feel proud of me’ statement. We have to feel proud of ourselves all the time, because we love ourselves and we appreciate all the efforts we make to grow, live and do our best daily. We do not have to prove anything to us to allow us to feel proud. We always have to feel proud of who we are and what we do. That was something that somehow I picked up when growing up, that I had to prove something, to be better, to always do more to get approval or love (whether from myself or my parents). Today I am here to tell you that this is not true.
LOVE is not earned, LOVE is unconditional and beautiful. DO NOT force yourself to fit in, BE yourself and LOVE yourself 🧡
As we reflect on this, remember that the journey to self-awareness and independence is ongoing. Each step, each reflection, and each realisation brings us closer to understanding our true selves better. By sharing our stories and experiences, we build a supportive community that celebrates personal growth and freedom. Let's continue learning from each other and embracing our unique life paths.🤲🏻☺️
Now, over to you, my dear readers: What are your thoughts on the relationship between parental expectations and personal independence? How have your experiences shaped your understanding of yourself and your approach to life’s challenges? Let me know in the comments.
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I hope with all my heart that we will meet face-to-face someday. Until then, if nobody has told you yet today: you are an amazing person and deserve everything this world has to offer 🤍
Annalisa x
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The third newsletter of the new monthly series - Reminiscences of an Adolescent, where I will revisit my teenage and early adult years and share thoughts I put in my diary back then, commenting on them with a more mature perspective.
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